I am an avid follower of The Vampire Diaries. Yes I know it is just another teenage high-school drama feeding on a very popular but overhyped vampire theme and dealing with the overdone melodrama of two brothers falling in love with the same girl. But I find Ian Somarhalder very hot and sometimes it’s good to feed your fantasies.
Time and again, the question of ‘turning it off’ comes up. For those of who are not familiar with the serial, the ‘it’ here, implies humanity. When a new vampire is born, usually the vampire turns her humanity off, to get rid of feelings of regret, guilt and overwhelming emotions. This is because the new vampire still cannot control her bloodlust and the hunger makes them do irrational things which they would later regret. So they turn it off. They turn their humanity off and do as they please and think as they please and life’s good again.
But enough about the show let me get to the point. Is it really good to turn your humanity off? Hell, is it even possible? Is it possible to let go of all your regret, your guilt, your compassion and be free of your past? What turning your humanity off essentially means, from my understanding of it, is to be absolutely free. Free of expectations, free of wants, needs, moral compasses. And no doubt that’s fun way to live. You answer to no one, you live like you want to and you do exactly what you want.
And here’s my question, apart from the very impossible feat of denying yourself emotions of any kind, how beneficial is this whole process? From personal experience, I can say it’s very hard to let go. To a friend who had recently asked, so when does it all end? – This attachment to the past, attachment to the present, fear of the future-this is my answer-it does not. It does not ever end. i think I will always carry a piece of myself everywhere, that will always be my emotional baggage. But what I choose to do with that emotional baggage is ultimately my choice. I could let it affect me, define me or I could use it to change myself for the better and use my past as a reminder as to how sometimes things can go horribly wrong.
Nostalgia is hard, but somehow there is an addictive attraction to it. Like you know you should move on, but you cannot. You know exactly what you are doing to yourself and yet there is some helpless satisfaction in wallowing in that sadness. Of course, time helps. Time goes on and before you realize it, the memories are fading. But it never completely erases memories. And time and again, if you are in a similar situation, those memories prick you and remind you of the past. But in spite of all this, I would not trade for a human without humanity. I do not want my memories, happy or sad, to be erased. Those memories define me and they make me stronger. For all the irrationality in the world, I think it is important to keep your past very close to you, to remind you that you do not ever want to repeat that past. Whether it was doing terribly in the exam that defined your future, or being mean to someone that deserve that treatment or the most common reason like a failed love, it is important to give yourself the time to feel that pain and develop a healthy attitude towards it.
It’s very tempting to switch it all off. To avoid conversations dealing with it, to cut off friends who are annoyingly inquisitive, to work like a maniac to ignore the urge to mope. And I would say, for a while, it is important to turn it off. To give yourself space and time. And then, when sufficient time has passed, it is necessary to introspect and turn it on all over again.
Phew, so much from one supernatural drama.^_^
Sparks in Vacuum 